Something very interesting happened this morning. This morning I woke up very abruptly at exactly 5am. I was still sleepy, but I was wide awake with no chance of falling back asleep. During that time I was awake, God showed me with great detail some specific things He wanted me to do. Some of it I already had known about (but have yet to act upon), but He elaborated somewhat and showed me a little bit beyond what He’d already shown me.
And then He showed me something pretty powerful. Quite some time ago, God showed me some specific ways he wanted to use me. Some of which, required me to grow myself in ways such as reading certain books, writing, and even some formal training in specific areas.
The other day I had a pretty weird day. I felt a little bummed, and was feeling that something wasn’t *quite* right. I had a feeling inside of me that I was just supposed to be further along than I am now. I felt sort of frustrated at myself, but really not sure what to do about the way I felt. I spent the whole day feeling like I was just stuck in a rut.
It was toward the end of the day that I began to pinpoint the cause of my frustration/in a rut kind of feeling. I felt like it had something to do with productivity. “I haven’t been making a list everyday,” I thought to myself. “That’s gotta be why I’m feeling this way.”
“Yes, that must be it”, I thought to myself but also there was this little achy feeling inside me that I couldn’t deny.
Yesterday I implemented my very practical solution. I was armed with my to do list, and I executed it with great skill. I forced myself to stay focused all day long on the things on my list. It was a great day, and yesterday as I lay my head on the pillow, I had a satisfied feeling that I had a very efficient day. And to my pleasure, I gladly noticed that yucky feeling that I had had in my spirit was gone.
But here’s where it gets interesting. This morning when God woke me up at 5am, He gave some insight as to what was ACTUALLY going on in my spirit the other day when I felt unsettled and in a rut all day. What had happened was that I had neglected to do some very specific things that God had asked me to to do. It wasn’t necessarily that I needed to be a better list nazi. It wasn’t necessarily that I needed to read my Bible that day (although, it sure was refreshing!), and it wasn’t necessarily that I only needed better focus. Those were only ASPECTS of what my spirit was feeling deprived of.
The message that God made clear to me this morning was this:
God has called me to do specific things. I have goals and dreams within me that He placed within me. It’s what I was born for. That feeling that I had that I described above, where I felt “like I should just be further along” that I am was a legitimate feeling, based off of the fact that I haven’t been writing a specific book over the past couple months. I knew I was supposed to be. I have definitely had the grace for it, but I hadn’t been writing. I had been allowing myself to get distracted.
The feeling that I felt was true. I was supposed to be further along. So God led me to the root of the rut. I thought I had it all figured out, but Father loves me so much that He woke me up extra early just to guide me through the process, show me precisely what to do. After He laid out some things for me in the wee hours of this morning through revelation, He finished up everything by saying,
“Now go write.”
And boy did I! I was out of that bed in one quick hop. I promptly made a pot of coffee, and wrote until my kids woke up.
There’s no condemnation in Christ. I don’t want you to get me wrong and think that I was being “punished” with bad feelings the other day because God needed to get my attention or something. I hear a lot of people talk like that, as if God smacks us around and causes bad things to happen to us when we get off track. What happened was that in my spirit (we all have a body, spirit, and a soul), I knew that I had been called to do some specific things. I had not been doing those things, and so my spirit felt behind. I was feeling like I should be further along because I actually should be.
I believe there’s grace for that, and I’m thankful for a loving Father who will stir me out of slumber to minister deep things to my heart.
I tell these things because I know they are not only of benefit to me, but also to others.
God has called you to extraordinary things, but you’ll only get there if you begin taking steps towards that “destination”. I bless you and pray that you would feel a supernatural drive to do the Kingdom assignments that you were born to fulfill.
**This is a blog I wrote years ago, when God was motivating me to write my now published book, God’s Feminist Movement.
I want to gift you a free chapter of this book!